Having a kid at 37 reddit You didn't want kids or couldn't have kids when you were 30 and now want a kid or two at 40, that's fine. I wouldn't particularly encourage them to wait until they're 40, however, since raising a kid takes a toll on you, physically. You are perfectly set up to have kids and provide for them splendidly. Let’s do real talk here. But I made people aware that I do have a child and that my child comes first. I fear that I will be single forever. It can be hit or miss though the older you get. If I had no kids I would probably put my upper limit at 40-42. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. With people increasingly having kids at an older age, I’ll be lucky if I even get to see him have kids. But if a good friend asked me for advice, I would say not before they're 30 (assuming their partner is around the same age). I have always felt I could go either way with having kids. Having a family sucks it’s an unrealistic overwhelming unbearing expectation you can’t count on you can’t count on the person you have the kids with the stick around you can’t count on the kid not to be born with some kind of fucking personality disorder or what not you can’t count it’s too brisket it’s too risky to give up yourself and your own chances of having a peaceful life I assume that I have one life on this planet so I will live the life I want. Age 37 (well 36 when I conceived), third kid, conceived on the first try. I don't think I could cope with an additional needs kid. I have limited time for exercise. VERY old, and you'll be pushing it to have the energy for the task at hand. I'm not bothered by it at all. So if you have a kid at 40 and live to 77, the kid will be 37 when you die, which, while not ideal, is solidly into adulthood. Just keep going. Having kids has also reinvigorated my friendship group. Having an older child who was used to having my complete attention and also needing me was a really hard change. in every way. Women of Reddit, how old is too old to have a baby? There’s always a reason not having a kid, too young, too old, not enough with someone for 7 years with no marriage or children and I’ve told myself for a very long time after 35 I’m not having them. However he had to be induced and I had begun leaking that morning my water. My 15 yr old daughter is not your typical teen glued to snapchat and instagram. But most of the time I still feel like that curious kid who's just looking to It probably depends on your stage in life. Me. Interesting that we could potentially have more eggs stored—it would make sense, when I was 22 I went 6 months without a period (that’s when I decided to go to the doc and was diagnosed). My problem is when people have kids like that just bc they want a kid, like some purchase and forget a child is a human being who needs parents able to taking care of them. I did not want to get married but did. Honestly, I think having a kid at any age has it's downsides/upsides. I'm 21 and still dunno if i want kids tho. Anyone having a kid at 30 or As someone who has autism and had many other health issues as a kid (which are only now being linked to a genetic component because it’s now more prevalent), this. Most only have one kid but might try for another down the road. Drove. I've never really struggled with anxiety, depression etc. So putting off having a kid until I was older made sense. Don’t worry too much, embrace every single moment, scenario and aspect - going into motherhood and pregnancy with that mindset really helped. So having a kid at 24 could just as easily be seen as the real nightmare. But there are some things you can control. Guy in my office had his first kid at 50. 23F also have struggled a lot with anxiety/depression for over a decade. My daughter is now 2. There's no way I could have gotten that amount of flex perks as a younger, less established employee. I had my kids when I was 35 and 37. But by the time I felt ready to start a family after finally recovering from raising a kid that’s not mine for zero benefit at all and getting to live my own life, I might be too late. So I always wanted 3 kids, because I loved our big loud family as a kid. Never got in any trouble or have done stupid shit. you will never be able to just do things on a whim ever again. Or maybe we are just damn good parents!! We certainly found out we ARE damn fine parents. He didn't regret it at I just had a baby recently and now I’m debating a sixth because I don’t want her to grow up as the odd kid out but at the same time I’m 37 now and tired and I have a career now so I am very unsure. And having a kid graduate when you are 50 is not even worth worrying about. The parents of my kids' classmates range in age a good bit. i understand how others feel but my life had purpose prior to my child. My husband wasn't ready until I was 30 but I wanted the wedding (which didn't happen because of you know what). The point is, having kids further apart doesn't automatically mean they won't be close which a ton of people keep arguing. Of course then they're unhappy. But you got two years of money and time in school, get that out of the way, and then have a kid. You both are young and just getting started. Because that's not the reason to have kids. I'm 36 and starting to consider having a second biological kid. So I had my baby at exactly the right time, and can't imagine having another kid 10 years prior instead. She had me at 37, my sister at 39. It was great, then it wasn't. Nuts. A lot of people have kids that probably shouldn't. I know 31 is not "so long" to many people, especially here on Reddit, but when you want a lot of kids and have a ton of friends who already have teenagers, having your first at 31 kind of is! I grew up in the NYC area- most people I know didn’t get married until their 30s, and had kids after that. I'm 37 and very single. This was back before WFH was a thing (due to covid). We made a plan and will see where the road takes us. She is only around 45 and looks 60-70 because of the stress. I have no desire I don’t have that maternal urge at all so don’t feel like I’m missing out at all. - We are not guaranteed anything! I could live to 99 or get hit by a bus tomorrow. I have enough trouble taking care of myself properly that I don't feel I could adequately provide and take care of someone else Also, second kid and onwards is so much easier because you know what to do. In an idea world, I would have liked to have done it earlier, but I waited to get the financial side done and the right house bought. Why Age Matters . i feel like north of 40 is too old to keep up with a baby/toddler. shes too old to have the energy to keep up with a kid. Then she was likely already having fertility issues in her 20s. Etc. You're going to have kids who loved having older parents because they provided a stable foundation; and others who are resentful for being too old to play with them or dying when they were young. 1 reason: I really hate being pregnant. I was physically exhausted, I gained more weight, and my body did not bounce back afterwards like the other times. Someone who has a kid, should be prepared to be an active parent for 18+ years. We also have a very chill kid so I want to enjoy more time and travel. that was a different time in a different country. I’m 37 in three weeks and I’m very in line and happy with my the amount of support you have makes all the difference i believe. I'm 24 have a serious full time job now and all things considered am responsible enough to do all the "adult tasks" I need to get done. At our age (I'm 38f), you don't have the luxury of getting discouraged and quitting. Or check it out in the app I didn't meet the right person until I was 37 and then we struggled with Most had their first kid between 35 - 40. All that being said i can't really imagine having a kid in my 20s, financially or mentally I just wasn't ready. the loss of freedom was extremely jarring and something that my other mom friends agree was the hardest. As women, we are born with all the eggs we’re going to have. with a kid, your time is the kids time mostly. I'm glad I'm here, but ever since I was a kid I regretted having older parents, and felt it was a bit selfish on their end, even though they wanted a child and did their best to raise me. And I wanna be in my top stage of development while my kid is going through their stage of development where they need me and my attention most. your life will forever revolve around someone else when you have a kid. Men who've had children in the later year I had my daughter at 37 and my son at 41. ) Even in the "olden days" when everyone started having kids in their early 20s, they likely continued having kids into their early 40s because, well, they had like 10 kids. (He is 20 and I am 21). However, it is still worth every ache and pain it causes. My fiancés mother had him at 37. My biggest fear is having a child and not knowing they’re disabled till a year or two after they’re born. It's different for everyone. I could take a hard pass on being married. Now it’s fashionable to have grey hair so I frequently get asked if it’s coloured. Conversely, having a kid at that age can seriously hamper any career aspirations you might have if not handled properly. I myself am 33 and don't plan to have kids until 35 or so (want to finish grad school and get a job in my field first). Someone being married/having a kid at 25 would be way more unusual than at 35 where I’m from to be honest. He now has 3 kids under 5 and some days I think he prays for death just so he can rest 🤣 I think 50 is it. They spend a lot more time and interact/play around with the younger set. I have one sister but a cousin or two were always living with us. But at 42 it's great! Fyi thought of a thousand reason not to have a kid, now that I have one I can tell you that it's better than anything you can imagine. The payoff is a kid that you hopefully like so much you actually enjoy spending time with them. Whoa. My wife is 7. My dream is to have a house and kid/kids still. My previous pregnancies were easypeasy, but that last one when I was older plus parenting other kids wiped me out. I think he was 37 when my sister was born and 41 when I was born and it didn't make a difference to is growing up at all He's still healthy and active, I guess that's the main reason why people are concerned about having kids at an older age But mid- late 30s isn't that old, it's older than average, sure , but I wouldn't say it's too old I have way more patience and money now than I did when I was younger and those are two things that make parenting a lot easier, even if I might have less energy or whatever. I thought it would take longer! I didn’t mean to give birth during the holidays! 😮‍💨 First kid was a (happy) accident the first time we didn’t use protection though, so I think I might just be very fertile - three tries, three kids. My husband took over bedtime with my son and handling even more tasks which helped as we got into a groove. i don't have much support and have a special needs child, thankfully myself I am in pretty good health (body aches as a 37 y/o mom of a toddler and depression i have battled all my life). We have children from previous relationships. But ever since he was born, I feel like every waking minute of my life is filled with worrying about him and having the feeling that something terrible is going to happen to him. I’m still trying to figure out my life and better myself so I thank god I don’t have a kid to look after. You have a lot of good responses here but just adding mine in case it helps. Some people struggle with infertility in their 20s, some people have oops babies at 45 and everything is fine. Wouldn't change my experience for anything! OP- 45 votes, 37 comments. It's not as uncommon as it used to be to have kids at this age. you’ve literally been able to Kids keep you in the moment. Having your first at 40 is more of a gamble and depends on genes and health The reason millennials are having less kids is because they now plan more carefully instead of accidents (still happen but not like 90% as in past). If they don’t have enough for themselves and the extra dependents then they don’t feel comfortable having another child. If you’re healthy, having children in your 30s is fine. So I was able to keep my job (which I - I would not have had this exact child at any other time, and she was meant to be mine. I had my first kid at 34 and am pregnant with my second at 36. I am Yes, there can be challenges with having a baby later in your reproductive life. But I see this as a lack of foresight on their part (and I suppose mine as well, but I was maybe too young to look into this stuff). My family wouldn’t worry about money unless one of us contracted a horrible disease, or the house burned down, or something like that. Great steady relationship, a nice house in a good area, finished school and great careers, little to no debt, had travelled pretty extensively but yet, not ready. So true. I know multiple women who did it. Starting earlier gives more time to manage those issues. There are trade offs to becoming a parent every age and I don’t think one’s better than the other. We have gone through 2 rounds of IVF and we have 1 embryo out of 15 eggs. Just live life the best way you know how. When your kid will be 3 he will start to have his own life, he will spend more time with toys, daycare, etc. If you're concerned you should talk to someone about getting your fertility tested-- other factors that might affect your odds in the next few years will include the age you were when you got your first period, and how old your mother and ETA: Also, OP I have seen a ton of benefits to being older and in turn more established when having kids. My dad did. I’m more established in my career, so it’s a lot easier for me to draw boundaries, “protect” my time with my family, bop out for a ped appointment, etc. Many women have babies at an older age without having issues. Thank you so much for this incredible advice! That’s probably my biggest fear (not having as many kids as I’d like due to our age). But: here in Denmark we have free healthcare, no college fees and free daycare from 7 am to 5 pm. I’m confident that ill be an amazing mother and everyone that I’ve told is so excited about it and says I’m ready for this. There are pros and cons to both starting a family or waiting. 37 +3 for my first And 40 + 4 on my second They come when they’re ready is my only advice. But after having 2 I said that I’m done. Hello parents of reddit, What age would you say is a good age to have kids? My mom was a young parent started having kids super super younger maybe 18 and seven kids later I know she regrets having us at such a young age because she had to put her life on hold and also she didn't get to know her husband(our dad) as well as she should have because obviously kids take up That's why I think people who have kids much later than life are being selfish if they have kids by choice. What you do with that post-grown-kid time is up to you; everyone will have a different answer. my mother was married three times - the last time when she was 43! and it was a love match. First and foremost, getting early and regular prenatal care can increase One man reached out in the “Millennial” subreddit to ask users if he and his wife are “dumb” for thinking about having a kid in their late thirties. I think people around you always have opinions on your life and your body, unfortunately. We'd probably have 3 or 4. If you really, really try, and you still don't meet anyone in time to have kids, you may at least have some peace from knowing you tried. Or check it out in the can give you a light sense of what it might be like and where you feel comfortable. Occasionally I have a curious thought about it, but I’ve seen enough from close friends and family with babies to know that I do NOT want that life, nor do I want to give up what I would have to if I did have a kid. Your grandparents point is a good one and not something I really thought about. She's squarely on the spectrum and doesn't give my wife and me any of the typical teenage attitudes that I see with patients day in and day out with patient care. Based upon all the statistics he should have been early. At that point I suppose I would have to just take responsibility of the kid for the rest of my life. I think that is plenty of children. I started dating my husband at 38, we got married when I was 40 and our beautiful, healthy son was born using those frozen eggs when I was 41. Did you have a disabled child? I know for sure if my wife was pregnant and we had a disabled child we would both choose to abort. This can financially devastate you and sometimes even permanently hinder goals you have. Also take the time for school to do some stuff it’s gonna be difficult to do with a baby. If I had what I have now at 25 yrs old, I wouldn't have waited. We spent a week in Belgium & the Netherlands, followed by 1 month in Spain. I also have two kids and I'm dating a woman with a kid. We actually haven't found it very hard. below 18 is too young. I'm 36, she's 37, Been about 2 so far, and a tough miscarriage a few months ago. Is it still possible to achieve my dreams? I'm 37 now with a 14-month old and another baby due in June. When I was a child, I do i regret it? no. A lot of misinformation MAYBE I’ll have a kid at 40-45, For me, never. I had never thought about this til now. TLDR: I’ve never had baby fever, so I’m not ready in that way, but I do feel prepared as far as lifestyle. Most people my age I went to school with are about to have their first kid if they haven't already and I don't even understand why. It's like only after having a kid some people discover what it's like to put their heart and sould into loving somebody, truly caring for someone or something. My husband's dad was 40 when he was born. Having your first before a certain age generally makes it easier to have them later. You have had 2 decades of life without really having to answer to anybody and having a spouse doesn't compare to a child in responsibility. 9% sure I don’t want kids. it’s about egg quality. Wife and I are talking about having kids now or in the future. And that is a bit sad. Now at 37 I’m 75% silver/white the rest is a mix of grey and my natural brown. But having a baby later in life still can be a challenge. I think it is tougher the longer you wait and we really wanted a child. I go in Friday to talk to my doctor about if I’m healthy enough. They were extremely close as children, and are extremely close now. I decided that having a family was a priority, so I did 3 rounds of egg freezing. You’re on Reddit so I have too many acquaintances and family members that have kids because they feel obligated to do so or because they feel as though they have to meet someone else’s expectations. We were married for 13 years before deciding to have a kid (at 33 & 37). (Obviously there are no I’m 18 and my bf(19) are having a kid. I don't know that many people with kids, granted, but they make it work. I’d never want to have a kid in general, let alone past 35. If by that time you have already finished high school, you will be able to go back to college, you will probably be 18 or 19, you will not be that far behind yours. Chances are that they'll cut you out a lot sooner than you'd think. The physical exhaustion hit me more the second time. They have kids because they're unhappy and think kids can inject some interest. And to be honest, first kid you have this delusion that you should be doing everything perfectly to a schedule not created for your kid but in general. For me having a kid at 25 then my last at 30 was an enormous difference If I could’ve controlled how my life played out I would’ve had kids at 33/35/37. ADMIN MOD Is having a kid at 21 a bad idea? I have been with my significant other for a year now and I have known him for many years prior. Well here we are now and I’m 40 and he just turned 37. We will see I guess! maybe 20s. Get the Reddit app Scan this Down syndrome: if you get pregnant at 40, that's less than 1% of having a kid who has it. of course u can still have a kid like very early 40s but past that is a bit late imo. I turn 38 in October. Jesus, they are hard work. He's fine but she was too run down to really parent him and he's grown up to be kind of a jerk to his own wife because he's always just done what he wanted. Anyway, I didn’t have my first till I was 37, as I just never felt ready - despite having all the boxes ticked on paper. Not easy because I get tired quicker and muscles ache a little bit more, but I love them unequivocally. The thought of then having all the stress of a high needs kid on top of all that gives me palpitations, no kidding. I don’t think I’m too old, as I’ve seen women in their early 30s have healthy babies. Your life is so uncertain, even if you have everything planned out. Having my kids later in life would have meant fewer years without my personally-imposed job market limits. A lot of people ask this Reddit when is the best time to have a baby, and the answer is there is no best time. or 30s. Im enjoying that I have reached workwise what I wanted, went out enough and feeling now so happy to have them around and having enough time for them. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. But having a kid has been a great joy. She told me she had all the same symptoms. I don't mention this on the internet often, especially on reddit because people are wild and I've only gotten negative comments here, but I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 42 and I'm 35 weeks with both of our first! We're been together for 6 years (so I was 20 and he was 36) and have anyways been very happy together. Ask a question or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. But, you do need to be aware that there are risks as you age and you should certainly have this discussion with your doctor before you start trying to become pregnant. 000 years. (We do have a kid now! It is not too late. He is terrified of having a child at an older age because of all the complications, down syndrome, and then the whole raising a kid in your 50's thing. There's no consideration to how they're going to support that child as they get older, and very often older women and men have another kid after their first children move out to stop them being lonely and give them purpose. I was 38 when I met my husband and he was 34. “My wife (34 f) and I (37 m) have suddenly found ourselves having the kid late thirties is very common to have kids these days. Of course, that's understandable. I have two under two and I’m 37. It would be wise to not only think about how old you'll be when the kid is born, but how old you'll be when the kid is finally grown. I had my kids with 37 and 41, Im now 43. I have nieces and a nephew and my love for them is enough. When I'm between the ages of 25 and 35 my kid and is going to be in his prime years of a child which is between 3 and 13. and if you’re open to having a kid alone, start the process! the right partner will accept and love you both. Mentally, I am way more grounded and calm. I'm a little bummed that I'll be in my mid you'll just have more years left in the piggy bank on the backside of it. She had a lot of complications with the second and the doctor said it was likely because of her age. 5 yrs Reddit would hate this comment if it finds out. The fact you are questioning if you are is enough to ensure you aren't ready. I have my 5 year old Jadelynn when I was 37 surprised baby, after being in a relationship of 15 yrs with no success pregnancy. They have been pretty easy to raise. Did you lose your freedom? Yes. NOT SAYING ITS 100%! But if you are having multiple kids at a young age it’s very likely you don’t have a solid job or have fully gone through college. I love other people’s kids - my nieces, nephews, friends kids. I’m in a much better place than I was before I had her, so no. It wasn't irresponsible to have a kid older, it was irresponsible to do without understanding the consequences. Ever since we started to have these conversations about timing, we visited 5 different countries 😂 I love traveling and I’m really open to it, but agree that this is a competing priority with saving for kids / to buy a house, for instance. But, I thought about both options carefully and what I thought I would regret more in the future. Not number of eggs. This is a Reddit for people interested in discussing Natalism. Reply reply LoveDeathAndLentils • My parents were your age when they had me. Honestly I would say yes and not in a bad way. My cut off age personally will be 40. We just recently Right, my comment on happening when it's supposed to happen, was meant to imply, don't get too hung up on by what age your are supposed to have accomplished something. She should have frozen some embryos at 34 or sooner. Here’s what I tell my patients about how to approach having a baby in your late 30s and beyond. I (23m) have a 4 month old son, and he's my whole world. I asked her to wait until this year wraps up before we start "trying" for kids. The game Harvest moon animal parade for wii allowed you to have much more interaction and better raising of children and watch them grow up from baby to toddler to children eventually either continue playing the game with 2 children or start a new game with the help of the Harvest King and your child’s help. . I'm 31F 9 months pregnant. 2: I have my first kid from 37-42 I’d be more emotionally and financially stable. I will say, though, that having a kid at 25 is a whole lot different than having a kid at 35. I never once put my kids' face out there, on any site, for anyone to see. My wife (34 f) and I (37 m) have suddenly found ourselves having the kid conversation a lot after 12 years together as "childfree". I hope your marriage is beautiful. that means 99% of babies born to women at age 40 I think anything after 35 you should have your Dr more involved with trying to have a baby. After colouring it for 20 years I embraced it - natural colour down to my hips. No problems with the pregnancy (that would be due I had twins at 37 and would like another (my 4th) no older than age 40. I was 35 when I had my first, and 37 when I had my second. So I dont know how it is to get them in younger age, but I never felt too old. When they called it a geriatric pregnancy!!! Not only healthy kid but i managed to deliver him naturally (after 2 epidural laced births before him) and he was early- topping out at 9lbs 6 oz. but I’d have to do that without a kid so that’s not related :p Do you have any kind of regret? I do, but not about having my kid. Oh totally! 2 years during covid would not be enough because couples need more experience to know if they can handle a life together. They probably won't be the only person they know who's their age and has lost a parent. I had a very smooth pregnancy but I have several friends who also had kids after 35 and have needed ivf treatment in order to get pregnant. We were financially sorted out too before having them. There should really be a health warning on this post because any woman who's ever had to "dress up" for work every I’m 36 and have known since I was in my late 20’s didn’t want kids. and her last kid(hes 14 now) came out with a disability that takes up the little time and money she has. I think if you can afford to raise a kid and are medically capable of, you absolutely I got divorced at 34. Having a kid at 37 or 38, is too old, being a parent of an 18 year old at 55 or 56, is often a recipe for raising entitled spoiled kids with zero discipline. It was 6 weeks from IUD removal to a positive test, For example, men who were 45 or older were 14 percent more likely to have a child born prematurely, and men 50 or older were 28 percent more likely to have a child that required Are the chance of having a disabled child too high to risk it. But depends on each person where they are For example, I travelled, partied, did things I wanted; at age 29 I had my kid, and for me, I’m glad I was able to do everything I wanted during my 20s Why is no one thinking of his feelings! He might have been slightly uncomfortable if he'd had to wear slacks and dress shoes!! I really want guys like this to spend just one fucking day in women's undergarments, dress shoes, shapewear, full-face makeup, etc. Do you miss your old life? No, not really. He's now in his early 40s and said it's great to be able to live his life and know his kid is grown and independent and he doesn't have to worry about them when most people are at a time in their life when they're driving their kids to soccer practice. Money is still the biggest factor for stability in a household. She still texts with us constantly, doesn't use her cell at dinner table, does not care a lick about latest Am I happy with my current life? I’m not happy that I have to work . I don’t feel like I’m at this point in my life yet here I am. I have a hard deadline of 37 for our last kid. Gives you options. If having a child is more important than the how grieve the loss of the “ideal” and then work on being open to other possibilities, like being pregnant over 40 or a single mom via sperm donor, or fostering, or even being a stepmom. I panic at the thought of having to talk to other moms and do baby group activities and things like that. Both children have several disabilities and she doesn't know how to cope with it. I'm 30, turning 31 in a few months. That said, I know there are people who feel differently and especially in these early years. Then your kid becomes a teen when you are around 40 getting ready to have your mid-life crisis while financially tapped out trying to pay for leases and mortgages and preparing to pay for college. Really though, have a kid when you are ready to have a kid, kids are expensive, tiring, and a lot of work, but well worth it. Or My older sister already had two kids by the time I was starting to just barely consider having a kid. But this is the major reason why I wouldn't advice anyone to have a kid if they don't actually LIKE children and like spending time with them. It. Never heard this before, very interesting. Had a planned child when I was 37. Or check it out in the app stores Like we should have started trying to have kids before 37. Do what’s best for you. Having a kid is not a deal breaker to me, but I have 1 of my own. And that is considering that by then you can afford a child - financially, emotionally and physically. Anyway, irrelevant but the point is it’s possible. Perhaps even more than if I had been younger because I was well established in home and career at that point. I also know a lot of people that continue to try and party and live it up after having kids, and it shows up negatively in their family’s dynamic and their kids’ behavior. I’m only about 3 weeks pregnant and it was planned. Would I have wanted another kid at my age if my oldest son and his gf weren't shit bums and couldn't be responsible? I'm 37 years old and my husband is 39 and we've discussed having our own child. What I will say is that having your 2nd, 3rd or 4th etc is different. she had me when she was 39. One parent has already missed many big life events, and soon I'll have neither around to ask for life advice when I need it most. I had my two kids when I was 37 and 38 Obviously there are enormous downsides to having a kid at 50–I think most would agree the ideal age is somewhere between those extremes—but there are definitely upsides to at least being a little Your opinion is based on the idea that it sucks SO MUCH that it's irresponsible for anyone to have a kid later in their life and that it's more unfair than all the other things I And I know that Reddit thinks 40 is "old", but it's not. Have a fun conversation about anything that is on your mind. Have had no problems with our kids. My daughter had a hard time gaining weight and wasn’t latching well. There's someone who is literally my age who has 3 kids and is pregnant with her 4th and I'm only 25. I have a good life but it breaks my heart when I think about my friends and siblings and the fact that they got to have families and I My husband has a compliction from a surgery and I probably have adenomyosis based on my previous symptoms and all of the imaging I've had has always mentioned it. I've been with my husband for 17 years, so it was more like "now or never" with the kids thing. I had my first at 27 and even though i “had it together” i wish we waited until 30. Midlife struggles are more about what you haven't done or regrets IMO. Its all been fine. My single or not-yet-on-the-marriage-track friends remind me that everyone goes at different speeds. There are limitless reasons why you should not have a kid and I gave birth sa 1st child. We're also planning on having more than one. I also don't want to feel pressured. Would a healthy 37 year old be putting their health at risk by having another child at this age. doesnt make it ok. Apart from the tiredness. With the kids I have a constant low level CrossFit thing going on. Couldn't imaging my life without her. I don't understand it either. Most of my friends have had kids in their late thirties. know what you want in partner and focus on yourself and learning what makes you happy, as opposed to seeking for the things you want externally. I'm 37 and told my boss, who's also a friend, that I'm pregnant with #2 and he felt the need to tell me what a mistake it was, and I should have stopped Had last baby at 37. The friendlier part of Reddit. My sister got married at 17, didn't have a kid until she was 31, then had her second at 40. ive seen my SOs parents try to keep up with his nephew they took in, they are tired all the time and cant really handle it. I feel this, I still feel like a kid who now has the stress of being an adult and its really hard for me. I had a baby in the first half of M2 year and it worked out pretty well! There is no good time to have a kid, especially in medical training. 5 and while she certainly has brought new and different stresses to my life has also brought incredible joy and a feeling of hope and fulfillment. They should have foreseen this would be an issue and planned accordingly. I always stated upfront that my kid comes first. Have a kid at 50, you’re 75 when they’re 25 any older than that and you’re going to miss all their good years, and Meanwhile we needed IVF despite starting trying before 30, (not because of age. It's totally normal and my IVF clinic said I was one of their "youngest" patients when I was undergoing Do you have friends in the same boat? For me, that's something that has been vital to finding happiness in where I am in life. And having a kid is incredibly wonderful but also really hard and expensive. A man who has a child at 35 is likely to see his children I'm about to be in the same boat. I don't have the energy or inclination to take care of a baby any more. Also is it unfair on Curious for any dads out there who had their first child at age 40 or older. But it's nice to hear that patience and persistence can pay off. Then we planned after 5 yrs 2nd baby, nahirapan ulit and I had a miscarriage. Most people aren't going to date someone that is high-maintenance for very long. So I had my first kid at 22, but I started over at 37 and now at almost 43 I've got a 6 and 2 year old. I have two cousins who have that age gap and are very close and still children (14/10). Its nice not having to check my bank account before every purchase and feeling like I’ve gained some additional knowledge over the past ten years that’s helpful in being a mom. Early thirties is not that old to have a kid. Anyways thank you so much for the reply! Have a good one! My aunt had two kids at around 40 and regrets it. I say this because around 35-37 is when there is a decent increase I'm done having biological children. Gusto pa that having kids or no kids is one possible reason for couples’ breakups. It honestly blinded sided me and I was like damn I’m still a kid myself, The friendlier part of Reddit. And, I decided to But I understand that people sometimes have their kids around 40yo bc they not married or dont have conditions to have kids early and thats fine. They have kids because they want to save their marriage. Being real, I can see us having kids in 18 months or so. We currently have a toddler and it's actually really awesome. I constantly have fleeting feelings of regret waiting so long to have kids. In my opinion you aren't ready. For the record, I decided to have a kid at 37 and I had a kid at 38. Would have saved us a lot of cost and heartbreak and hardship. If it’s important to you do it. it’s not considered late anymore. It is absolutely possible, yes. Have kids because you want to raise the next generation. Our girls have one set of grandparents that are retired and one set that are still working/active. We had the kid conversation early on and I explained the reality of trying to get pregnant when I’m 40. I'm turning 40, getting married next year, and plan on having a kid in 2018. At 61, having a 2yo can be a chore, especially with working 12 hours a day as well. And, that was scary. I feel like having kids was the best decision ever. But, I always wanted a kid too. It came up because my mom is 37 years older He is not ready for marriage or kids and when we discussed timelines, his calculates out to trying for a first child around the age of 36/37 for me. I would have started a year or two earlier. If having kids is a priority it might not happen the way you originally envisioned (by x age, etc). More then anything have felt pressured. We should have started at 35. We are all just doing the best we can with the time we have left, so We met in our mid twenties but waited until year 9 until we started down the kid path. But knowing that I can provide for all their needs now as opposed to if they arrived at 20 is a huge relief because I would have been freaking out. Members Online • Morosa3. You gotta remember I've been childless this entire time. maybe like 18 to 35 if u have the financial means. I don’t advocate having a kid at 60 but 40 really isn’t that big of a deal as long as you won’t need them to care for you Reply reply J891206 and she didn't meet my dad until she was 37 so there you have it. My bf says I’m too old to have a kid but won’t adopt, making me feel useless as a human. There is no way to extend having a "kid" - you get them for 12 years and then you have an Probably the most self centered post I have ever read on Reddit. I would just let the tough I’m starting to think of kids for the first time. That's still an early age to lose a parent. But the way I see it. Even though I would ideally not want a baby at that age I would have considered it. Not the life another person wants. A year later I met my daughter’s father in 2017 got pregnant the year after in 2018 turned 38 after her birth. What would you say is the most challenging part about having kids later in life and what are the better parts? Sounds like you're in a good position, have you life together and are going to be a responsible parent. So people have been having babies over 35 forever. I'm 40, had one at 37 and going to have the second by December. She took up a lot of time when she was little, but I raised her to be independent, so that has waned off. We still have 6 Now I’m 37 and don’t have kids despite wanting them desperately. In your situation, you want to make sure you are as healthy as possible when the pregnancy begins. I have another friend group where EVERYONE but me is married and most are pregnant or have a kid. Basically you have a lot less time for everything, and depending on where you live a lot less money, too. I would say you definitely need a lot of extra social support from family/friends and it certainly helped that my spouse is not in medicine and his job is extremely flexible. Women having kids into their 40s is pretty common. But the other possibility is that your work might pay off and you actually get the family you dream of. My second, I was dilated at a 4 for a week (3 for two weeks prior)and fairly effaced. Sick, tired and in pain for 9 months, plus the delivery itself. My biological daughter is 11 and my oldest is almost 21 (I call him my kid but he is my kid brother I took in during his teen years due to our parents inability to care for him). having a child just Reddit has made it clear they will replace moderators if they remain private. There's a good chance the father would live to attend the kid's wedding, if they ever got married. Keep yourself in shape/healthy and you'll be fine. Hoisting a wriggling 40 pound kid 100 times a day and playing chase all around the house has made me a lot more active and stronger than I was before. Second kid? You go with the flow as long as they're happy and healthy. I have severe social anxiety and already struggle with interaction. If you have no real desire for kids, then taking a pass Most people in 20s see this time as traveling, progressing in career etc. But if 2 people have a kid together, they will have to deal with eachother for the rest of their lives (to some degree). But I don’t know how it feels when you crave children so I can’t relate to that. That being said. I love them all very Best advantage of having a kid a little later in life--I was well-established in my career and my workplace readily gave me flexibility as a new mother. Your child will then show up briefly in the new game with several First, I want to say that I know that egg freezing and having a kid by myself are options, but these are options I am not interested in right now. Unrelated to up top, I have friends that their kids see me as their non familial friend-adjacent, and to me, that's the greatest gift of having nieces/nephews who want you for you as opposed to obligatory blood ties. I appreciate having my kid at my age because I don't feel like I'm missing out on my younger years, my career is on track and I no longer need to prove myself and I'm financially stable. I had my only child at 37. We'd like to have 2-3 kids and I am not interested in having kids very close together. I had my son at 31 and i feel like it would have been great to have started then and had two before 37. As for the “nuclear family”: that’s a story patriarchy has told us for the last 10. I am not worried about relating to my kids or their friends. That last one wrecked me. People are surprised of my age because I look like I'm 27. Not wanting to have children isn't wrong nor is wanting to be a parent wrong. Not me personally but I know a guy who had a kid at 15. If guys didn't understand that, they weren't the ones I wanted around me. Now that’s gone up to 99. I would like 1-2 kids if possible, and I was Myself and almost everyone I know are having kids in their 30s - I honestly couldn't imagine starting any younger! Had my first at 32. Most people have more wealth/disposable income around that age than when they are 20, so a lot of folks I know who have had kids young are pretty psyched about being still pretty young and "free" now. my grandma was 13 when she gave birth to my dad. do i wish i could freeze my children and raise them when im older? yes. We plan on having more and we have all boys so we are hoping for a girl. They have one great grandparent who is 101 and one great grandparent who is 80. But, I lived a life doing whatever I wanted for 37 years and I knew having a kiddo would change all that. Obviously I don't know what it's like to have children younger but appart from the tiredness, which I guess is universal, I didn't have unusual problems. Our daughter is 10 months old & we're about to finish our 5-week trip in Europe. 2nd child at 37. Me not wanting kids helped end one of my relationships. View community ranking In the Top 5% of largest communities on Reddit. Great girls. I'm turning 37 next month and I fear that I'm too old to be dating. I'm absolutely terrified I will never be able to have kids. They wanted to have 4 and tried their hardest to convince me to have 2 but someone else already highlighted it well. First kid is a lot of guess work. The joy of making someone feel special, learning new things, striving to be good example, sharing the human experience can easily come from a happy marraige. TL;DR Don't have a kid for the purpose of end of life security. We seem to have copied our parents, and our grandparents too. Having a kid or not having a kid is okay. I had mine at 37 and 39 and have thoroughly enjoyed them. And if a woman is struggling to have kids in her 30s. That means I’m seeing more and more Kendras in my practice, where I treat women with high-risk pregnancies. Our lives have changed in many ways, and there are many inevitable challenges, but definitely worth it - at least for me and us. szcwc hasi uueq sll vljgy bpi etu uoflni ryo srhyk